Louie Anderson once asked in one of his early stand-up routines: "What are we gonna tell our kids?" This question was prompted by one of those classic parent stories about how they had walk up hill both ways in the snow to school. His answer was "I didn't get cable til I was 12." Louie proved to be a prophet in my case. I was actually 16 when the cable truck pulled up in his 12 to 6 time window and hooked us up. I remember the first thing I did was watch Sportscenter and then it was baseball and that night it was pro wrestling and for the first time I got to see what I had been missing out on. I loved cable and for the longest time I looked at like the realization of a dream. It showed that all the hard work and suffering my parents did to get somewhere in their careers and lives and started to pay off. We no longer were the poor white family at the end of the block....We had cable. Turns out I had it wrong. I manifested my dreams of becoming somebody with offers of "Free HBO" and old boxing matches on ESPN Classic. I forgot what it was to really dream. To really use my imagination and create something in my mind.
For example, I am a baseball fan. It was the first sport I ever took to. I remember it was cousin's favorite sport and at the time I thought he was just the coolest guy in the world. I wanted to be just like him so I took up baseball and spent hours listening to games and watching the Twins whenever they were on TV . There was always an over the air game on during the week. I planned my weeks around those games and often found myself watching the game on this small black and white TV which wasn't much but it got great reception. I'd watch the game and then go outside and throw a tennis ball against the side of my house and think I was pitching in that game. I would just throw and throw and picture staring down Ken Griffey Jr. and recall how he beat my Twins the night before on a bad belt high slider. It's funny to me now and even somewhat silly but Griffey for as great as he was, couldn't touch my 60 mph fastball.....not in my backyard he couldn't. It never stopped there for me. I'd watch basketball and create makeshift hoops in my basement watch pro wrestling for 3 hours on late Saturday nights and dream about how I could be more like Jake "The Snake" Roberts.In hindsight not having cable was the best thing for me as a kid. It allowed my brain to function is ways I never would have otherwise. It allowed me to think big and keep my mind open to all possibilities. It's a skill that has served me well in life and I owe it all to being poor.
However I feel sad for the kids today because that is just not an option anymore. The drive for dollars and revenue has taken away a muse for kids to dream. No more late night T-Wolves games on regular TV, No Pro-wrestling unless it's a documentary about how screwed up wrestling is. Jake "The Snake" is an old drunk and just recently the Twins announced that they will not carry games over the air anymore. The only way you can see the Twins is on cable. At first I thought nothing of it. I have cable so that's no problem but I then I thought about being 7 years old and throwing the ball against my house and planning my week around my one chance to watch Puckett and Hrbek and Gladden and now it's gone. Those days are over and I feel a little less innocent and a little more hardened. The race for revenue has taken the fun out of everything. I call it a "dream tax". People ask what's wrong with the kids today? The answer is nothing. The kids haven't changed. Kids still are born the same way and it's still our job to give them the outlets necessary to fill those brains with creative ideas and hopes and dreams. Problem is we have put the child proof blocks on the outlets. In fact, we have child-proofed the world, stuffing bad cartoons down their throats and forcing all their potential heroes to basic cable time slots. I wish we could change this pattern but we can't. The bell has already been rung and once we start on the road to progress, we can't just hang a U-turn and head back. We can only stop and take in what we have and remember the way it use to be and admire it's simplicity,it's innocence and it's integrity...yes integrity even in the case of Jake "The Snake". All I know is dreams are the fuel of life and there isn't a filling station in sight.
Shaking my Head at the Screen and My Fist at the Snow,
Tim
Monday, February 21, 2011
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Valentine's Massacre
One of the advantages of being single is the free pass I get on Valentine's Day. I make no secret of the fact that I have some fundamental problems with this holiday of inconvenience. I will also say that my issues could have direct correlation with my relationship status. It's true, a bachelor who hates Valentine's Day is like a one-legged man applying for a job as an ass-kicker. You aren't exactly at the the top of the list but like the one-legged man I am not changing. What you see is what you get and I hate Valentine's Day. After Christmas, Thanksgiving and Easter the only holidays I want to celebrate are baseball's opening day, Father's and Mother's Day and WrestleMania. Today, I'll share with you why Valentine's Day is a flawed holiday that is only meant to make guys feel guilty and spend money.
The first flaw is that for guys it's a zero-sum game. It's a battle that no matter what you do or what you say or how you do it, you cannot succeed!! Unless of course you spend money and preferably more money than you did the year before. This notion that "It's the thought that counts" is total hogwash. If you do not deliver a clever card and flowers and chocolates and a gift and a nice dinner you my friend have failed. Especially if you did these things early on in the courtship. Mark my words, come up short on V-day and you hear about and at first it's not anger, it's this:
Girl-Ummmm are you happy in this relationship?
Guy-Uh Yeah, I'm good, life is good.Why do you ask?
Girl- Oh no reason I guess, You just don't seem as happy as you use to.
Guy-What makes you say that?
and it's at this point where most girls point out that you don't do what you used to do? That the Casanova that took her out during the infancy stage of the relationship wasn't there anymore. It's also at this point where the guy is forced in to feeling lousy and apologizing for the rest of the night.
I'd be willing to bet that for every great V-day couples have, there are just as many "state of the union" conversations and even break-ups. Now I know it seems I'm laying all of the blame at the feet of the women and for that I say no.....just most of it. Here is where guys are to blame. Guys are like football coaches who break out all their good plays in the first quarter of the first game of their career. We set an impossible standard that we just can't live up to The issue is expectation. Women like feeling special and like thinking that their guy is like John Cusack in one of those sappy rom-coms and with every year that passes, the expectation is that you will do it better than the year before. Or at the very least do it better than her friend's man does. Guys also don't do a good job of communicating with each other. I think we should be allowed to take a running start and kick every guy's testicles that proposes on Valentine's Day. These jag-offs ruin it for the rest of us. How are we suppose to compete with that? If you don't think women keep score on that stuff you're kidding yourself.
Now onto women, I don't hold this against you. You are just taking advantage of the system and using this day as the way to seize the relationship conch shell. It's also a way for you to take stock of your man and see if you have it good or if it's time to see if there is a BBD (bigger better deal) on the open market. Ladies figure that Valentine's Day is the best the guy has to offer. The problem here is that guys often times have to put on a show and most guys...suck at shows. Most guys still pulling a coin out of someone's ear is a neat trick. We are easily amused. The best time to judge a man's affection for you is every other day of the year through his words and actions.For 364 days, there is no show, no reason to impress, no reason to be something he's not. That's what you should base your relationship on. Not his actions on a Hallmark Holiday.
Bottom line, we need to get rid of this day as a holiday and spend our energy and time and money elsewhere like stock in UGG Boots or restoring Deloreans and golfing at Pebble Beach or writing barely read blogs on blogspot.com.
Curbing your enthusiasm
Tim
The first flaw is that for guys it's a zero-sum game. It's a battle that no matter what you do or what you say or how you do it, you cannot succeed!! Unless of course you spend money and preferably more money than you did the year before. This notion that "It's the thought that counts" is total hogwash. If you do not deliver a clever card and flowers and chocolates and a gift and a nice dinner you my friend have failed. Especially if you did these things early on in the courtship. Mark my words, come up short on V-day and you hear about and at first it's not anger, it's this:
Girl-Ummmm are you happy in this relationship?
Guy-Uh Yeah, I'm good, life is good.Why do you ask?
Girl- Oh no reason I guess, You just don't seem as happy as you use to.
Guy-What makes you say that?
and it's at this point where most girls point out that you don't do what you used to do? That the Casanova that took her out during the infancy stage of the relationship wasn't there anymore. It's also at this point where the guy is forced in to feeling lousy and apologizing for the rest of the night.
I'd be willing to bet that for every great V-day couples have, there are just as many "state of the union" conversations and even break-ups. Now I know it seems I'm laying all of the blame at the feet of the women and for that I say no.....just most of it. Here is where guys are to blame. Guys are like football coaches who break out all their good plays in the first quarter of the first game of their career. We set an impossible standard that we just can't live up to The issue is expectation. Women like feeling special and like thinking that their guy is like John Cusack in one of those sappy rom-coms and with every year that passes, the expectation is that you will do it better than the year before. Or at the very least do it better than her friend's man does. Guys also don't do a good job of communicating with each other. I think we should be allowed to take a running start and kick every guy's testicles that proposes on Valentine's Day. These jag-offs ruin it for the rest of us. How are we suppose to compete with that? If you don't think women keep score on that stuff you're kidding yourself.
Now onto women, I don't hold this against you. You are just taking advantage of the system and using this day as the way to seize the relationship conch shell. It's also a way for you to take stock of your man and see if you have it good or if it's time to see if there is a BBD (bigger better deal) on the open market. Ladies figure that Valentine's Day is the best the guy has to offer. The problem here is that guys often times have to put on a show and most guys...suck at shows. Most guys still pulling a coin out of someone's ear is a neat trick. We are easily amused. The best time to judge a man's affection for you is every other day of the year through his words and actions.For 364 days, there is no show, no reason to impress, no reason to be something he's not. That's what you should base your relationship on. Not his actions on a Hallmark Holiday.
Bottom line, we need to get rid of this day as a holiday and spend our energy and time and money elsewhere like stock in UGG Boots or restoring Deloreans and golfing at Pebble Beach or writing barely read blogs on blogspot.com.
Curbing your enthusiasm
Tim
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