Even Dreams Can Cost Money.

Louie Anderson once asked in one of his early stand-up routines: "What are we gonna tell our kids?" This question was prompted by one of those classic parent stories about how they had walk up hill both ways in the snow to school. His answer was "I didn't get cable til I was 12." Louie proved to be a prophet in my case. I was actually 16 when the cable truck pulled up in his 12 to 6 time window and hooked us up. I remember the first thing I did was watch Sportscenter and then it was baseball and that night it was pro wrestling and for the first time I got to see what I had been missing out on. I loved cable and for the longest time I looked at like the realization of a dream. It showed that all the hard work and suffering my parents did to get somewhere in their careers and lives and started to pay off.  We no longer were the poor white family at the end of the block....We had cable. Turns out I had it wrong. I manifested my dreams of becoming somebody with offers of "Free HBO" and old boxing matches on ESPN Classic. I forgot what it was to really dream. To really use my imagination and create something in my mind.

For example, I am a baseball fan. It was the first sport I ever took to. I remember it was cousin's favorite sport and at the time I thought he was just the coolest guy in the world. I wanted to be just like him so I took up baseball and spent hours listening to games and watching the Twins whenever they were on TV . There was always an over the air game on during the week. I planned my weeks around those games and often found myself watching the game on this small black and white TV which wasn't much but it got great reception. I'd watch the game and then go outside and throw a tennis ball against the side of my house and think I was pitching in that game. I would just throw and throw and picture staring down Ken Griffey Jr. and recall how he beat my Twins the night before on a bad belt high slider. It's funny to me now and even somewhat silly but Griffey for as great as he was, couldn't touch my 60 mph fastball.....not in my backyard he couldn't. It never stopped there for me. I'd watch basketball and create makeshift hoops in my basement watch pro wrestling for 3 hours on late Saturday nights and dream about how I could be more like Jake "The Snake" Roberts.In hindsight not having cable was the best thing for me as a kid. It allowed my brain to function is ways I never would have otherwise. It allowed me to think big and keep my mind open to all possibilities. It's a skill that has served me well in life and I owe it all to being poor.

However I feel sad for the kids today because that is just not an option anymore. The drive for dollars and revenue has taken away a muse for kids to dream. No more late night T-Wolves games on regular TV, No Pro-wrestling unless it's a documentary about how screwed up wrestling is. Jake "The Snake" is an old drunk and just recently the Twins announced that they will not carry games over the air anymore. The only way you can see the Twins is on cable. At first I thought nothing of it. I have cable so that's no problem but I then I thought about being 7 years old and throwing the ball against my house and planning my week around my one chance to watch Puckett and Hrbek and Gladden and now it's gone. Those days are over and I feel a little less innocent and a little more hardened. The race for revenue has taken the fun out of everything. I call it a "dream tax". People ask what's wrong with the kids today? The answer is nothing. The kids haven't changed. Kids still are born the same way and it's still our job to give them the outlets necessary to fill those brains with creative ideas and hopes and dreams. Problem is we have put the child proof blocks on the outlets. In fact, we have child-proofed the world, stuffing bad cartoons down their throats and forcing all their potential heroes to basic cable time slots. I wish we could change this pattern but we can't. The bell has already been rung and once we start on the road to progress, we can't just hang a U-turn and head back. We can only stop and take in what we have and remember the way it use to be and admire it's simplicity,it's innocence and it's integrity...yes integrity even in the case of Jake "The Snake". All I know is dreams are the fuel of life and there isn't a filling station in sight.

Shaking my Head at the Screen and My Fist at the Snow,


Tim

Valentine's Massacre

One of the advantages of being single is the free pass I get on Valentine's Day. I make no secret of the fact that I have some fundamental problems with this holiday of inconvenience. I will also say that my issues could have direct correlation with my relationship status. It's true, a bachelor who hates Valentine's Day is like a one-legged man applying for a job as an ass-kicker. You aren't exactly at the the top of the list but like the one-legged man I am not changing. What you see is what you get and I hate Valentine's Day. After Christmas, Thanksgiving and Easter the only holidays I want to celebrate are baseball's opening day, Father's and Mother's Day and WrestleMania. Today, I'll share with you why Valentine's Day is a flawed holiday that is only meant to make guys feel guilty and spend money.

The first flaw is that for guys it's a zero-sum game. It's a battle that no matter what you do or what you say or how you do it, you cannot succeed!! Unless of course you spend money and preferably more money than you did the year before. This notion that "It's the thought that counts" is total hogwash. If you do not deliver a clever card and flowers and chocolates and a gift and a nice dinner you my friend have failed. Especially if you did these things early on in the courtship. Mark my words, come up short on V-day and you hear about and at first it's not anger, it's this:
Girl-Ummmm are you happy in this relationship?
Guy-Uh Yeah, I'm good, life is good.Why do you ask?
Girl- Oh no reason I guess, You just don't seem as happy as you use to.
Guy-What makes you say that?
and it's at this point where most girls point out that you don't do what you used to do? That the Casanova that took her out during the infancy stage of the relationship wasn't there anymore. It's also at this point where the guy is forced in to feeling lousy and apologizing for the rest of the night.

I'd be willing to bet that for every great V-day couples have, there are just as many "state of the union" conversations and even break-ups. Now I know it seems I'm laying all of the blame at the feet of the women and for that I say no.....just most of it. Here is where guys are to blame. Guys are like football coaches who break out all their good plays in the first quarter of the first game of their career. We set an impossible standard that we just can't live up to  The issue is expectation. Women like feeling special and like thinking that their guy is like John Cusack in one of those sappy rom-coms and with every year that passes, the expectation is that you will do it better than the year before. Or at the very least do it better than her friend's man does. Guys also don't do a good job of communicating with each other. I think we should be allowed to take a running start and kick every guy's testicles that proposes on Valentine's Day. These jag-offs ruin it for the rest of us. How are we suppose to compete with that? If you don't think women keep score on that stuff you're kidding yourself.

Now onto women, I don't hold this against you. You are just taking advantage of the system and using this day as the way to seize the relationship conch shell. It's also a way for you to take stock of your man and see if you have it good or if it's time to see if there is a BBD (bigger better deal) on the open market. Ladies figure that Valentine's Day is the best the guy has to offer. The problem here is that guys often times have to put on a show and most guys...suck at shows. Most guys still pulling a coin out of someone's ear is a neat trick. We are easily amused. The best time to judge a man's affection for you is every other day of the year through his words and actions.For 364 days, there is no show, no reason to impress, no reason to be something he's not. That's what you should base your relationship on. Not his actions on a Hallmark Holiday.

Bottom line, we need to get rid of this day as a holiday and spend our energy and time and money elsewhere like stock in UGG Boots or restoring Deloreans and golfing at Pebble Beach or writing barely read blogs on blogspot.com.

Curbing your enthusiasm
Tim

You Take The Plunger and I'll Take The Febreeze:

The "THIS STINKS" edition of The Chili                                                            

I borrowed the title of this weeks Chili Quick Takes blog from a line from one of my speechies creative pieces this week because when she said it in practice today it encapsulated everything I was feeling regarding the last couple of days in sports. Before my therapy session begins I do want to say congratulations to my speechies for a great job this past weekend. I also want to send a shout to my friend Izzy for his Fringe show selection. Continued success to you all and now to the couch I go....and I will try to this chronologically

Carter Snubbed Again
Someone is really going to have explain this one to me because I am at a loss. How does Cris Carter get snubbed for the Football Hall of Fame yet again. I realize that there are some good guys on the list and I don't mean to take away from Marshall Faulk and Shannon Sharpe but damnit anyway. We are talking about one of the 5 or 6 greatest receivers of all time. Perhaps the greatest possession receiver of all time. Maybe the best hands of any wide receiver in his era including Jerry Rice. Carter single-handedly (no-pun intended) re-defined the role of the slot receiver in today's NFL and he did all of this without the luxury of a consistently great quarterback. I swear if they pass on this guy one more time I vote we just board the place up because this is a joke!!

Christina, Use your words!
I missed thist but it has come to my attention that Christina Aguilera forgot a piece to the Star Spangled Banner last night at the Super Bowl. I hate this for 2 reasons. One, I think this should be mandatory teaching in schools, there is no way people shouldn't know these words by heart. You should be able to sing this cold. It's not like trying to memorize "It's the End of the World" by REM or anything.The fact that you have had months to prepare for this and you still forgot the words in just inexcusable. Two, I like Christina. In fact, I talked her up big before the game and even went as far as to say this could be on Whitney Houston levelhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wupsPg5H6aE&feature=related . I guess not.

RIP Pro Wrestling.
When I saw this video I pretty much just sat in stunned silence for like 5 minutes as steam and brain cells escaped from my ears. A little piece of me died inside. Observe:  It's like they aren't even trying anymore . Sad Day!

Super Bowl Abyss
One of dear young speechies waited all of 10 minutes following the Packers win over the Steelers to call me up and laugh in my face. As a Vikings fan I've eaten my fair share of Crow but it tastes just that much worse when it's served cold to you by a Packers Fan. Especially a young Packers fan who has known of no strife or trouble. Who has gone from Favre to Rogers without too much struggle along the way. I'm not mad as much as I am just jealous. It sucks that it's not us in that game. It sucks that it's not us with the franchise quarterback. It sucks that we will be the basement for the next 4 years in the NFC North.

There....Now I feel better. Hey we are a week away from Pitchers and Catchers and about 6 weeks from Golf Season. You see already feeling better

Plunging the Clogged Toilet

Tim

Why Acting?

Me-Many Moons Ago ( Thanks to Peter Lerohl and ARCC Theatre)

                                                           
Last Sunday I auditioned for my sixth show at my church. My hope is to get in and start preparing for "Brigadoon" which will go up at the end of April. It's one weekend. We will rehearse two and half months for one weekend. We will create structures, built strong enough to stand up to anything and then around 5pm that Sunday we will tear it down and put it all away and do it again next year. It's a lot of work and at times it can feel a bit overwhelming but the payoff always seems to be worth it and it's that payoff that keeps me coming back year in and year out. Still, I have a lot of people who ask me why? Why do I continue to put myself through shows? It's not like the pay is good. It's not like I don't have other things I could be doing. That's true. I don't get paid and yes I do have other things that I could be doing like working on my golf game, school work, speech work and giving some time to my long neglected friends who have been more than patient with me as they deal with this heavily programmed life I'm living.

I guess I do it for a few reasons. First would be the people. Every cast is different. Every show takes on a life of it's own. I've been blessed to play lead roles and I've also sat in the chorus and I can say this absolutely that a show cannot go without every ones full commitment and energy. In a play, the whole must always be greater than the sum of the parts. When everyone is sold out to the vision of the director it can be a beautiful thing and poetry in motion. People come from all walks of life at my church. Different ages, school schedules,experience levels and backgrounds and we all have to work together to make it happen. I've worked with so many talented people. Many of whom have gone on to do some great things. I have learned something from all of them and have taken with me the little tricks and techniques that made them fun to work with. I also have worked for some great directors in recent years. Each of them has their own style, their own vision and skill set but effective none the less. Each of them has provided me the ability to create. The freedom to do my own thing and the authority to offer a check and balance to my sometimes lofty goals and crazy ideas.

I think the other reason I keep coming back is the rush. This feeling that is hard to describe and even harder to duplicate. All I know is this, I wake up every morning feeling lousy and full of knee pain among other things. I spend my day thinking about all the stresses that surround my day. All of that goes away on stage. For two and half hours I feel nothing and there isn't a drug on the planet that can duplicate that...at least not one that won't get in the Busted Magazine. I always heard athletes growing up talking about how they fed off the crowd for support and motivation. I never felt that way playing little league or slow pitch softball where the smattering of golf claps hardly registered a decibel. In fact, I can't recall a time where I remember a crowd and a team I was on being connected together. However, I can recall a dozen times when I could feel on stage the audience hanging on every line being said and every note being sung. People like theatre because they get live through you for a couple hours just like you are living through whatever character is in the script and it's that marriage that keeps us all coming back.

So here we go again. Another show. Another character. Another opportunity to entertain someone.I believe everyone needs to try it at one point in their life. I think it's like Gene Hackman says in "Hoosiers" that "Most people would kill to be treated like a god....even for just a few moments." Well I may not be treated like a god but for one weekend a year I rule the world.

Til Act 2
Tim